I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
