Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
