Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
