1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
