I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
