So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
