i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
