Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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