I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
whose ass print is on the piano?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
