Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
