All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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