I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
