I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
