God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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