Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
