If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
