my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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