if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
