I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
