Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
