you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
