I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
