As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
