worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize