i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
