hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
