I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
