It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
