Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
