The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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