I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
