Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just had sex on a roof
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
