Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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