i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
