I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
