On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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