I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
