I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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