I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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