sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize