I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
