If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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