Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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