he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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