After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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