Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
