I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
