Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
