I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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