He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
