my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
