She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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