ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
