the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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