you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
