new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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