Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
