I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
