I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
