What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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