apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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