Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
