when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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