youre lurking in front of me
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
