She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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