honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
ugly people sure do ruin things
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
