I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
