You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
