I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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