You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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