Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
