i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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