My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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